Easy as PI
by Blu Taiger
Summary: Susie learned two new things that day. First, she learned about an obscure holiday she hadn't heard of before. And second, she learned that revenge really IS a dish best served cold.


**Disclaimer:** Calvin and Hobbes and all other characters associated to it are property of Bill Watterson.

* * *

Susie toiled over the blazing pot, stirring the contents within. It was meticulous work, requiring a constant watch through the profuse heat. Still, she was dead set on the task. There was absolutely no way she would mess it up this time. She just needed to keep a steady eye and a limber stirring arm; as long as nothing unexpected happened, it should all turn out alright.

Then the doorbell rang.

Susie silently fumed. Of course somebody would stop by when she was at the most crucial part of her project - and with no one else home to answer the door, too.

Laying her spoon aside with a loud smack, she trumped her way to the door. She had a feeling she knew who was on the other side, and if it _was_ him, he was going to get a lot more than just a piece of her mind to chew on. Sure enough, she opened the door to find her neighbor, Calvin, standing with his hands behind his back and a smile that just screamed he was up to no good.

"Hey, Susie!" he said.

"_Calvin!_" she cut him off with a snap. "What_ever_ you're up to, I _really_ don't have time to deal with it right now! I'm trying to make a lemon meringue pie, and I'm at the most difficult part of the process -"

"Oh! I didn't know you celebrated Pi Day!" Calvin interrupted her.

That statement was enough to derail her tirade. "_Wha_ \- no, I'm making it for a potluck at church… but, what the heck is _Pie Day?_"

"Well, today. Obviously." Seeing her cross expression deepen, Calvin explained. "Look, you know about the mathematical pi, right?"

Susie nodded. "It's like some infinite number, right? Starts with three point one four?"

"Exactly! Well, today is the fourteenth day of the third month! See? Three-one-four! So, Pi Day!"

Susie thought about it for a second. "Oh, I see. Very clever. So, what exactly do people do on Pi Day?"

"Make and eat pies mostly." was Calvin's answer. "Or, y'know, anything that has to do with pies. Which reminds me of the reason I came over in the first place."

"And what would that be?" asked Susie in a grave tone. In response, she found her face covered with a sticky, gloppy substance. A large mass of it fell away from her face, making a light clack as the tin hit the floor. Susie wiped the creamy filling out of her eyes to glower at Calvin.

"Happy Pi Day!" Calvin trumpeted. He gave her a cheeky little wave before taking off like a rocket.

"_YOU LITTLE RAT!_" Susie started to give chase, but then, with horror she remembered the filling she had left on the stove.

She ran back in a mad panic to see the damage that had been done. She found the custard had a couple of burn marks in it, but hopefully it would be salvageable.

As she finished cooking the filling, her thoughts were seething, swirling with images of Calvin's jeering face, replaying the incident over and over again. She racked her mind trying to think of a way to get back at the dirty skunk. Finally, and idea came to her. After she put her pie in the oven, she went to make a phone call.

* * *

That night, the Derkins family returned from the potluck. Susie was content, despite the incident earlier that day, her lemon meringue pie had been a success with everyone who tasted it giving a rave review.

After they had got themselves settled back in the house, Susie went out and over to Calvin's house with her secret weapon in tow.

She found him in his backyard, playing with his stuffed tiger as usual.

This was all too perfect. Discreetly as she could, she snuck behind a bush and planted her trap. Now she just needed to catch her quarry's attention.

"Hey Calvin!" she called.

Calvin turned to look at her. "Oh. Hey Susie." he then did a double take when he realised who it was. "_SUSIE!_... Um, hey you're, uh, not still… _mad_ about earlier, right?"

"Now really, Calvin. I'm not so petty as to hold a grudge over a little thing like a pie to the face."

"_Mmmm_, past experience would suggest otherwise." Calvin mumbled.

"Oh come on, a pie to the face? It's not the _worst_ thing you've ever done - not even close!" said Susie, doing her best to sound completely neutral on the subject. "Besides, my pie turned out alright."

"Well,... that's good to know." breathed Calvin.

"In fact, there's still one slice left. And if you want it, you can have it."

"Really?!" Calvin said in excitement.

"Sure! It's back at my house, come on!"

"Wow, that's really nice, Susie. Thanks!" Calvin cried as he strode over to where she waited.

Susie took him by the wrist and tugged him along. "Oh, it's the least I could do to thank you for introducing me to Pi Day." she said.

Those words made Calvin stop abruptly. "_Wait a minute!_" he yanked his arm out of her grasp. "_I know_ what this is! You're trying to get back at me for this morning!"

Susie put a hand to her chest in faux shock. "_I would never!_"

"_Like HECK you wouldn't_!" Calvin made an about-face and started walking back toward his house. "Sorry sister, but nothin' doin'! You won't get me to -" there was a sick, squishy sound when he set his foot down. Rigidly, Calvin turned his head to look at his shoe. His face took on a horrified look when he saw the mess that covered it. "_Iiiiis thaaat…_"

"_It suuure is._" Susie answered, wearing a smug, predatory smile.

"_... Wheeere did you get it?_" Calvin asked in disgust, yet with morbid fascination.

"That's _my_ secret!" Susie tsked.

Calvin looked at the rancid cowpie he had stepped in. He was revolted and incensed, yet at the same time, he couldn't help but feel a begrudging respect for what Susie had pulled off.

Meanwhile, Susie was heading back to her own house. She waved as she went and called back in a cheerful, sing-song voice "_Happy Pi Day!_"


End file.
